"Never mind me, I'm just in a world of pain"

April 4 - 2007 - Came across this whilst surfing the 'net, again:

"When you've got the message, hang up the phone."- Alan Watts regarding his past drug use.

Dec 8 2006 - From a tee-shirt, though slightly modified to suit my taste:

"Meddle not in the affairs of Dragons, for thou art crunchy and taste good with ketchup".

Electronic communities build nothing. You wind up with nothing. We are dancing animals. How beautiful it is to get up and go out and do something. We are are here on Earth to fart around. Don't let anybody tell you any different.

Some people are like Slinkies.....Not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

July 20 2005 - "Farewell Scotty. And Godspeed on your way" - I thought that was a nice title for a column one of the local guys writes. James Doohan passed away today. He played "Scotty" or "Lt. Cmdr Montgomery Scott" on Star Trek. Though all the papers screw one thing up. "He was immortalized by the phrase 'Beam me up Scotty'". Feh! I'll always remember him for "I'm givin' it all she's got!"

Feb 20 2005 - RIP Hunter S. Thompson. Don't worry about the bats.

"We had two bags of grass.....75 pellets of mescaline....five sheets of high-power blotter acid...a salt shaker half full of cocaine....a whole GALAXY of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers.....also, a quart of tequilla, quart of rum, case of beer, a pint of raw ether, and 2 dozon amyls. Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get locked into a serious drug collection, the tendancy is to push it as far as you can." - H.S.T - Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

"LIFE'S JOURNEY is not to arrive at the grave safely, in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting "Holy shit, what a ride!"

Sept 17 - found this site through some surfing on the web...I liked her closing quote (assuming it's actually a her)

If I could add one thing, it would be this - don't ever turn down pleasure because you were afraid of what other people might say.

May 4, 2004 - From "get fuzzy" comic strip by Darby Connelly 5-4-2004

"It does have a certain je ne sais crud"

April 28, 2004 - This one from e-mail:

Thought for the Day: Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that's where shitty ideas come from.

April 23, 2004 - It's an article relating to the whole SCO vs. Linux shennanigan going on, but that's not really relevant. I just like the visual.

"when you're trying to build a house of cards, the last thing you should do is blow hard and wave your hands like a madman."

October 30, 2003 - This may border on "too much information" - I've started wearing a belt. I've lost about 12 pounds over the past few weeks..and I'm proud to say I've had to break in a new hole on the belt. But, I also usually wear Levis 501 button-fly jeans. And let me tell you.. if you go out drinkin'...a belt and button-fly jeans can be a real pain in the ass.

October 14, 2003 - It's just an opinion avalanche! Today I heard a bit of humor from one of the local morning radio shows that just struck me as funny as hell:

You ever notice, after a cat licks it's ass, it gets that weird faraway stare?

There are 10 people in the world that understand binary: Those that do, and those that do not.

There's no place like 127.0.0.1

April 25, 2003 - From the Globe and Mail online:

PITTSBURGH - The competition has become more intense, the passes and shots faster and more accurate, and the players - well, they no longer catch fire.

April 23, 2003 -

"Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted, but getting what you have"

That has proven so true, so many times in my life.

Feb 28, 2003 -

"Both the FBI and the CSI have raised the terrorist threat"

Dec 30, 2002 - I was out at a local mall tonight and noticed something I found humorous:
There's a women's maternity clothing store situated almost dead-center between a Fredrick's of Hollywood and a Victoria's Secret. Coincidence? I wish there was some way I could get a picture to show you.

Dec 23, 2002 - From "Just Curious" by L.M. Boyd in the 12/23 Fayettevile Observer:

Q: Swiss Citizens are required by law to keep guns and ammunition in their homes. Do they have many gun crimes?

A: Almost none.

Nov 30, 2002 - From a sign in a friend's garage:

"I spent my money on women and beer. I wasted the rest"

Quot Libros, Quam Breve Tempus

Magnum, Mallum, Et Tartanum

Nov 10, 2002 - From L.M. Boyd's column "Just Curious" in the Nov 9 Fayetteville Observer-Times:

Q:Why would anybody eat an achovy on purpose?

A: You mean the anchovy on the hors d'oeuvre? In Mediterranean counties it served to kill the bite of bad liquor. In Russia, caviar worked. Scandinavians did the job with herring. It is said of the Scots they did not cultivate a similar appetizer because they refused to admit there was any such thing as bad liquor.

Nov 4, 2002 - From the movie "Death to Smoochie":

Cops: "Are you alright?"

Rainbow Randolph: "I dunno, I'm kinda fucked up in general so it's hard to gauge"

To encourage conversation always have one fewer chair than there are guests at a dinner party

"Somebody has to do something, and it's just incredibly pathetic that it has to be us."
- Jerry Garcia

April 13, 2002 - From another piece of paper that's been laying on the desk for some time now:

To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you lived. This is to have succeeded. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Feb 3, 2002 - This I got from the local paper, some time ago:

That composer of classical music, Rossini, did most of his best work when he was drunk. Mozart composed much of his music while playing billiards. Remember this - and judge not- the next time you see a drunken pool player.

Aug 18 - Just how the hell do they "electronically test" condoms? I'd feel more comfortable if they were "pressure" tested.

July 19 - A quotable quote:

"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind"
-Humphrey Bogart

There are three principal ways to lose money: Wine, Women, and Engineers. While the first two are more pleasant, the third is by far the more certain.

Wow, I'm an Engineer that likes Wine, well, Beer, and Women.

May 14 - Today, it's bumper stickers:

• Made me laugh the hardest: "Fat people are harder to kidnap". Not that I think fat people are funny, or should be kidnapped. It just made me laugh.
• Made me think: "Not all those that wander, are lost". Could be taken as a religious message, or a reason to go see the world. But it also made me think of the play on words:
  "Not all those that wonder, are confused". I'm gonna claim that one as my own.

April 15, 2001 - I finished reading "Snow Crash" by Neal Stephenson and came across this quote and explanation:

Ultima ratio regum - The Last Argument of Kings

I like that!

April 2, 2001 - I've come to the conclusion that 90 percent of the people on the roads are made up of de-hydrated morons. Just go driving in a rainy rush-hour and you'll see what I mean.

Jan 21, 2001 - While cleaning up/throwing away after moving, I found these:

Think before you speak. That way, you forget what you were going to say.

I've got to write all this down in my diary. Then, in a few years, someone will pick it up, read it, and throw it away.

Jan 10, 2001 - Now, not only do I need to clean up around here..but you can't leave your opinions for me to read until I get that fixed, too.

Jan 02, 2001 - Yeesh! I need to clean up around here.

A few miscellaeneous things:

1. As of Friday Dec 29, 2000, the Greek Drachma is history! The 2,650-year-old currency was the world's oldest currency, but as of Jan 1 2000, Greece has joined the European Union. A little bit of trivia: The drachma - meaning "handful" in ancient Greek - was the standard silver coin of Greek antiquity. It was originally worth a handful of arrows.
2. I think the song "Let it Snow" is sort of suggestive:
   

   O the weather outside is frightful
   But the fire is so delightful
   And since we've no place to go
   Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

   O it doesn't show of single sign of stopping
   and I brought some corn for popping
   And as long as you love me so
   Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

   When we finally kis "good night"
   how I'll hate going out in the storm
   But if you really hold me tight, all the way home I'll be warm.

   O the fire is slowly dying
   and my dear we're still good-bye-ing
   The lights are turned way down low,
   Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

   I guess for the time it was written, it sort of translates to "oh honey, it's so cold! Why don't you let me spend the night"...but I doubt he means the couch!

The difference between Democracy and Liberty:
Democracy is two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.

Liberty is two wolves attempting to have a sheep for dinner and finding a well-informed, well-armed sheep.

May 28 2000 - Aside from working through this Holiday weekend, today was one of those days that just proves that some jobs are just not complete until you bump your head or skin your knuckles.

May 20 2000 - Spyder Robinson contemplating the latest bout of computer virii aimed at a particular brand of software many people use..but with the brand name changed to protect the innocent (namely himself).

"A gaping security flaw, in fact, begging to be exploited: a backdoor big enough to admit a Visigoth horde in full kit without waking the watchdog."

"acting that would embarass Cub Scouts on Amateur Night at the psycho ward."

"I feel like a one legged cat trying to bury terds on a frozen pond".
- Anderson from Beavis and Butthead

What does education often do? It makes a straight cut ditch of a free meandering brook.
-- Henry David Thoreau

"Ad Astra Ad Aspera"

"A Rough Road Leads to the Stars"

November 20 1999 - It occured to me tonight that rearranging just a few letters can really change the interpretation of a phrase.

Specifically:

"I brake for hallucinations."

means something completely different if its:

"I break for hallucinations."

Aaaah, pleasant memories!

October 24 1999 - Okay. Men's underwear comes in packs of six. There's seven days in a week. You do the math.

October 20 1999 - Tonight, 20/20 broadcast a special on cell phones and possible brain damage due to the microwaves. Here's my reasoning:

Simple proof that cell phones cause brain damage: the longer you own one, the more frequently you will use it while you should be should be driving the damn car!

Sept 5 1999 - from e-mail, and who knows where else:

At a bookstore the other day, I saw a book entitled "Sex for Dummies".

Why would someone want to teach dumb people how to reproduce?

Aren't there enough of them with AOL accounts now???

August 26 1999 - Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures...

Remember, when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown.......... BUT, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and smack the asshole upside the head

I just try to keep in mind:

There comes a time in every Project when you've got to shoot the Engineer and start production

"It's like (Jerry) Garcia said, 'The '60s ain't over 'til the fat lady gets high,'"

"...while the rest of the country wonders "when will it end?", Texans ask "what took it so long?"

"Hey! I'm not the kind of person to disrupt things just so I can shit comfortably"

It reminded me of an old tee shirt I had. I had a picture of a long barrel rifle with a scope and it said:

LONG DISTANCE: The next best thing to being there.

Leonardo da Vinci was born today in 1452 in Italy.

Bottle opener invented today in 1738

I think I'll have a beer to celebrate. Makes you wonder, though: did they invent the sealed bottle first? And then "Oh shit, now what do we do?"

"I like nonsense. It wakes up the brain cells." - Dr. Seuss

"Pride, Envy, and Wrath are what made Cain a killer god. But Sloth put a smirk on his face."

-"Behind the Glittering Mask" Mark Rutland, Vine Books Publishing

"Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you're a vegetarian."

"So, your inner child pretty much runs the place, huh?"

"The trick to charm is to be selfless: You're not asking for anything here, not even feedback. Charm is independent of response (well, almost independent; all of us like to feel appreciated, but with charm, being appreciated isn't the point).

The difference between charm and flattery is that flattery has an agenda -- I'll give you compliments so that you'll give me what I want. Charm is a way of being, rather than a tool to achieve something."

A hard-on does not count as personal growth.

"The man who doesn't relax and hoot a few hoots voluntarily, now and then, is in great danger of hooting hoots and standing on his head for the edification of the pathologist and trained nurse, a little later on."